Saturday, August 29, 2015

Socrates Weeps

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Socrates Weeps

No doubt a number of my undergraduate students assume that Socrates and I were contemporaries.  Which isn't all that strange as they also think that Socrates was the drummer who Ringo replaced in the early days of The Beatles. And it is usually only the graduate students who know that The Beatles was the band that Paul McCartney was in before Wings.  But I wax cynical, which is problematic as I often have trouble just finding cynical, let alone reserving the time for waxing it - I think it is out in the garage somewhere.

But back to the Socratic method.  For those of you who live in towers other than the ivy-covered one in which I have spent most of my life, the Socratic method defines the bucolic myth of higher education; wise teachers sit with a cohort of curious students - ideally in an olive grove - engaging in a lively and penetrating dialogue about issues both enlightening and profound. 

It sprang to mind last week when I stood in front of a classroom in which every one of the 78 seats were taken.  

"Wow," I thought. "It has been what? a decade? since I have taught a class this small!"  Socrates weeps. 

I did my undergraduate work at Kalamazoo College in the late 1960s.  It is a small liberal arts college in Kalamazoo, Michigan.  A couple hundred students north of a thousand constitutes the student body. While I recall large classes - maybe 40 students in Western Civilization and Entomology - it seems that most of my classes had fewer than 20 students.  The main campus consisted of picturesque brick classrooms, dorms and a student union surrounding a shady lawn that climbed a rolling hill, topped by the steepled chapel that smiled benevolently down on us as we scurried along to class.  I do not actually remember having had classes out under the oaks, but we may have done so. A former professor of mine from Kalamazoo College is one of us here on The Wall, if his memory of the view from the other side of the desk conflicts with my recollections, I will pass those revisions along. 

In contrast, I teach at an institution of about 35 thousand students, 2000 faculty and some 3000 administrators. So 40,000 of us call NC State home to some degree or another. It is a huge institution, and one that has grown increasingly dependent upon technology to accomplish its most central objective: teaching students.  Well, maybe its second most central objective - behind grant writing, and there is publishing . . . But let's leave that tangle for another day. Back to Socrates and teaching. 

While I considered it aberrant at the time I now find bittersweet the memory of a colleague in the English department who, decades ago - when the task simply entailed dropping a coaxial cable from the ceiling - refused to allow "that thing" into his office. Now we simply cannot do our job without "that thing."  We, either by choice or mandate, post our syllabuses on the Internet, we handle the sensitive concerns of students with disabilities on the Internet, we present our classroom notes over the Internet, we record student grades over the Internet, we distribute lectures to distant students over the Internet, we even manage our own University retirement accounts over the Internet.

And in the ten or eleven days since the semester began, when I called upon those various functions, every single one has malfunctioned. And no, I have been doing this for years. Operator error was not the issue. The cause was, in each case, the Glitch Who Stole Christmas. The "outages" have ranged from minor irritations to major disruptions in my ability to do my job. 

However, as surprising as it may seem, the primary motivation behind this post cum rant is not the fact that the Internet is so untrustworthy - I have taught about the Internet for years before there was an Internet. I have always known it is a fickle lover, promising more than it ever really can deliver. I try, often futilely, to instill that same wary attitude in my students.

No, the burr under my saddle this time is that having to take care of the Internet makes it increasingly difficult to take care of my students.  I spend hours making sure the technology necessary to interact with my students works, which compresses the time I have available to consider what I wish to share with them, horribly. We may have fooled ourselves into believing that the swift and efficient exchange of texts, or voice mails or skypeing counts as a Socratic dialogue that encourages relationships and critical thinking. That is simply not true. At the very best, these tools serve as compromises for a conversation under the elms. We have come to believe that the compromises are the equal of the human systems they have come to replace.

And that is why Socrates weeps.
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Friday, August 21, 2015

Love is Harmony’s Handrail

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I have always considered my myopia more blessing then malady. As a youngster it was not a matter of choice; when I took my glasses off, all the world more than 12 or 14 inches distant dissolved into an impressionistic haze - soft and gentle, like life lived within a cloud. At the same time the objects an inch or two in front of my face leapt into sharp relief.  The small became all. Horton may have heard a Who, but I could see them. I have no doubt that the way I have always seen the world outside my head has had a significant impact upon the way I interpret the world from inside it.

For example, I quickly learned that, if I needed to go to the bathroom at night, rather than find my glasses, turn on a light and make my way down the hall it was far easier to keep my eyes shut, and trace the path - with my hand against the wall guiding me to my destination.  And, once there ensconced I could, if I so desired, peruse the illustrations of House at Pooh Corner or Treasure Island in incredible detail.  Those experiences, while decades removed in time, are conceptually snuggled up right next to my current assertion that love is Harmony's handrail.  Come on along.

I do not know if the eagle-eyed among us use handrails.  I assume they do, for in my youth when I had my glasses on, or later my contacts in, I would use handrails or their posh kin, banisters, to hurtle down stairwells or haul myself swiftly up the other way - they served me like poles serve a skier, all zoom and schuss! But in the dark, without light or lens, their existence became imperative. Without them I would be lost, scooting butt-by-board until I reached my destination. So, handrails are constructions that lead the way; they guide us to our destination. Which is what? A question with a singular answer: Harmony.

It follows then that if the first tenet of Distilled Harmony is to foster Harmony, it only makes sense that we seek the meaning that arises from those times when we stumble upon that destiny; from those precious moments when Harmony rises unbidden from the mist, like Brigadoon. That is not to say that we should not consciously seek Harmony.  We do that in a variety of ways.  Some of us meditate, others work out, paint, play music, rock climb, hang glide, cook, pray, sing, play an instrument, work in the garden, hike the Appalachian trail. Whatever. To be human is to seek Harmony, and we should, and do, all explore our own paths to that ultimate goal.

Still it is quite amazing in those other, unplanned, special moments, to suddenly realize you are there. To discover that, without even trying, there you are, covered all over with Harmony. That's incredible. There is really nothing else in existence like it, or, perhaps more accurately, there is nothing else in existence but it - Harmony is existence.  Still, we so rarely recognize that existential truth, we should consider how we might better, and hence more often, hail Harmony.

Some 20 years ago, when I started to write the book that would eventually become The God Chord, I decided to begin by recounting a variety of "stunning moments" in my life: a youthful  night at the Vienna Opera House, magical moments along a mountain stream in Northern California, the birth of my first child, opera again, with both daughters and their mother in the mountains outside Santa Fe, an unexpected encounter with soft eyes across a cup of coffee.  Those moments were, I now realize, moments when I spontaneously found myself "all covered in Harmony."  

Recently I have been trying to "cross-reference" those moments from my past with my current explorations in Harmony. I'm looking for correlations between those stunning Harmonic moments and other less ephemeral clues that Harmony may be slipping by unnoticed, something that nudges our shoulder and whispers, "Hey, pay attention! Something potentially very important may be going on here!" I, as we all should, do consciously try to recognize and acknowledge the harmonic moments around me everyday. Clouds, trees, birds in flight, these are the dependable old stand-bys. And I'm going to head out on the deck in an hour or so when the Perseid meteor shower is due to peak. Still, life in the 21st century usually seems a tad harried for the bucolic sensing of Harmony. So I put some time aside everyday to do some focused "Harmony hunting."

That time is, of course, my meditation time.  Sometime between 11:00 PM and 1:00 AM I slip away from the "have to do" stuff and the "ought to do" stuff, even the other "want to do" stuff and take 30 or 45 minutes to do my "ritual" - a basic Reike routine combined with Pandora supplying the Bose-world-and-noise-cancelling-headphone-assisted music. An interesting pattern has begun to emerge. When selecting the music for the evening's ritual, the first and most basic decision is: vocal or instrumental?  If it has been a fairly mellow day, I go with instrumental. The purity of sound. I lean toward the symphonic, or "spa-ish" piano or violin pieces. Those take me to some very soothing places. However, if the day has been hectic, those unfocused strains can quickly fade to background music as I continue the day's debates in my head.  On those more hectic days I opt for a vocal background. The stories in the songs, most of which I know word for word, blunt the dramas the day may have rained upon me.

Strange thing about those poems set to music - they are almost all love songs. Some are happy love songs, some sad love song, some "guy and gal" love songs, some "I love the mountains" love songs, I love the sea, the rain, the wind, some "wanna-be-but-don't-quite-understand-love" love songs; but almost all are some kind of love song. Here, I am coming to believe, lies a easier map to finding Harmony, a clue to when we are - for at least the moment - in tune with the harmonic sentience of the universe. When we are in love, we are in Harmony. Not all Harmony is love, but all love is Harmony. Thus, if we gently and steadfastly follow the handrail of love, it will eventually lead us to precious moments of Harmony.

Still, both love and Harmony wind us along an intricate path though existence. Sometimes, as in the musical Oliver it seems mysterious and unattainable: 

Where is love?
Does it fall from skies above?
Is it underneath the willow tree
That I've been dreaming of?

Other times we, like the Bard in sonnet 116, we think we have it nailed: 

Love "is an ever-fixèd mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark."

But perhaps the most callow definition comes closest to the mark: I may not be able to tell you what love is, but I know when I'm in it.  

Harmony, I think is much the same. The noun itself may be irrelevant. Wisdom, Transcendence, Nirvana, Salvation, Grace - call it what you like.  I am coming to believe more and more firmly that those words all describe the same state of existence, one defined by our ability to hold the Harmony of existence - and by extension, love - within and before us at all times. A tall order to be sure, but, how did Browning put it? "A man's grasp should exceed his reach, or what's a heaven for?" 
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Friday, August 14, 2015

Swatting "Isims" at Three O'Clock in The Morning


Which one startles you awake 
In these small hours?
Cynicism? Pessimism? Optimism? 
Or, perhaps romanticism?
It is a question worthy of consideration
As it is unlikely that our essential inclination 
Is so lightly ascertained
That we may consider these wakings
As but slight disruptions
Of a night's repose.
My own has been sorely won
In countless jousts against the foe.
Until now, like all romantics, 
I fence my way through life, 
Holding discord at bay 
With the point of my pen.
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Thursday, July 16, 2015

Piece of My Heart

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I doubt that many would point to Janice Joplin as an advocate of transcendent spirituality.  But one of my wanderings between "wide awake world" and Alternia raised that possibility for me.  I have already confessed to talking to myself, but I take it a bit further - as do many of you.  I chat with what I think of as "the sentient essence of the universe."  More mainstream belief systems would see a parallel to prayer.  I shy away from that slippery slope because of the baggage that any organized religion, and its notion of prayer, brings.

Still, the conversation goes on between me and the sentient essence of the universe - SEU.  No, I don't begin with "Hi SEU." Or Hello There, Big Guy."  I remain enough a product of my western Judeo-Christian heritage, that "Lord" still comes most naturally to mind as a good noun of address for the sentient essence of the universe. So anyhow, the other night I finished my meditation, turned on my crickets, wind and rainfall soundtrack, and drifted off beyond the edges of wide awake world. And I said/thought/whispered, I'm never really sure which it is, "So Lord, how are you doing?"

The thing that sort of rocked me back on my heels was that the question was sincere. I realize it is somewhat silly to inquire after the well-being of the sentient essence of the universe, because the implication of "How are you doing?" is that the question poses an offer to be of aid if things aren't going so well. I mean, what do I have to offer to the sentient essence of the universe? Ordinarily a sit down with the sentient essence of the universe centers around what we want; please give me this or that. If we do offer anything in exchange it is that we will do what we already know we should be doing. Furthermore it implies that the sentient essence is watching our individual actions, as if there is so little else going on in existence. Right. I'm sorry. I just can't push belief that far.  My relationship to the sentient essence may well be personal, but I cannot see that it is reciprocal.  I think the sparrow falls unnoticed, save perhaps by the neighborhood cat.

But that is when Janice kicked in "Take it! Take another little piece of my heart now baby. You know you got it, if it makes you feel good!"

Admittedly, it is presumptuous for us to offer aid to the sentient essence of the universe, more presumptuous still to address the essence as "baby." Yet a further assumption, that partners my assumption that the universe and existence are sentient, is the notion of an objective. The reason for our existence is to - wait for it: Foster Harmony, Enable Beauty, Distill Complexity and Oppose Harm. We do those things because they enhance the harmonic will of the universe - and in doing so we are doing our bit for the sentient essence of the universe.  That Harmony is probably sensed at levels we can't really grasp, the way a skilled conductor can hear the Harmony or discord being contributed by the e-string of the sixth chair viola. But the idea is that we can contribute to the Harmony of existence and it does - somehow - make a difference.

So if somewhere deep in our being, after asking, "So Lord, how are you doing?" we sense a little returned whisper of "It was a rough day." Then maybe we need to let the universe know that we are still in there doing our bit, and affirm Janice's rock offering: "Take it! Take another little piece of my heart now, baby. You know you got it, if it makes you feel good!"
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Tuesday, June 23, 2015

Aire on the Bell-Shaped Curve

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Foster Harmony is first tenet of Distilled Harmony because it is the primary task of our lives.  The other tenets, Enable Beauty, Distill Complexity and Oppose Harm can certain serve as guiding principles in their own right, but they all serve the ultimate goal of fostering harmony. Given that assertion, everything we do should point to, or be interpreted in the light of the first tenet - everything.

Meditation is a task that most would assert is inherently linked to fostering Harmony. Yet, meditation does not mean the same thing to everyone - and, yes, there is a delicious irony there, that we should aggressively debate the tranquil nature of meditation. But let us leave that for another day.

I understand that for many the object of meditation is to empty the mind - to stop thinking. But that need not always be the objective. Meditation can be guided meditation - you can nudge meditation with both music and gentle focus. Rather than emptying the mind, the proces is more like stepping aside from the mind - letting go of the idea of authorship. Perhaps a better analogy is getting a seat in the front row, first balcony, and watching the performance your mind provides if you just nudge it a bit. The show that unfolds is multifaceted.  Naturally the music you select to aid your meditation provides a bed of Harmony, but images and phrases make their contribution as well.

Recently my view from the balcony has provided some delightful interactions among a variety of harmonious elements. Foremost has been the bell-shaped curve. The bell-shaped curve is a simple graphic representation of the normal distribution of anything.  Having been a teacher all my life, my most common interaction with the bell-shaped curve has been in the way in which it uncannily depicts the performance of students in my classes.  Despite the current farcical grade inflation infecting our education system, when I construct a legitimate, discerning test for my students - no matter if it is a small graduate class of 20 students, or a large undergrad survey course of 200 or more - the grades will fall along the bell-shaped curve: a handful of As, a larger chunk of Bs, a whole bunch of Cs, a chunk of Ds (quite similar to the number of Bs) and a handful of Fs. It is quite amazing. It is a most harmonic depiction. It simplifies one aspect of a diverse group of individuals. It distills complexity. Ah ha.

The Bell-Shaped Curve

I began to consider the potential insights one might gain by viewing other aspects of life through the lens of the bell-shaped curve, and it struck me that there may be a distillation within the distillation. Consider this: there is often a maturation, or an "increasing insight" variable attached to the bell-shaped.  The most callow, uninformed students loll beneath the F and D portion of the curve, most students reside under the C spot, while a deminishing population have struggled to claim spots beneath B, with only a few finding their way to an A.  Hence the curve not only describes the number of individuals who will be placed at particular spots on the curve, it simultaneously indicates the extent to which each person on the curve has mastered the content, or come to the understanding that the curve describes.

Consider a brief, albeit important, example, and one perhaps in flux in the digitally redefined modern world: life and friendship.  And here I reach back to my own life and lives of my children, so the example is admittedly culturally skewed, but the idea retains broader validity nonetheless. 

When a child is born their world is relatively small. Perhaps as small as the family unit.  That portion of the bell-shaped curve hovers barely above the baseline. Then the child begins to encounter a wider group of "others."  Maybe informal "others," children in the neighborhood, maybe more formal groups, preschool, what have you, and the curve begins to rise.  As the child grows toward adolescence, the number of people beneath the bell shaped curve also increases.  The increase is both numeric and experimental.  Numeric is obvious.  We meet more people, at school, at work, and in a variety of voluntary affiliations - religious, political, extra-curricular, or extra-employment groups. These last become those who swell the experimental aspect of the curve.  We experiment with a variety of interests, a variety of identities if you will.  It is during this time in our lives - past adolescence and into our adult life - that the curve rises to its highest point above the baseline.  We have more people "in our life" than we ever have had before, or will ever have again.

After that the curve begins to descend again towards the baseline. The driving factor is selectivity. Our areas of interest contract. The child who was carted from music lessons to team sports practice to play group to study group to whatever and whatnot, has decided where their true interests lie. The college student who changed majors 5 times, finally settles on one. The adult who has moved through four or five jobs, becomes more clearly focused on one path.  All areas of our lives contract as the focus becomes not quantity but quality.  The number of people in our lives becomes far less.  They become important in the ways in which they enrich our lives, the ways in which they make us smile. In the ways in which they are truly our friends.

So this descent down the far side of the bell-shaped curve is a distillation.  From the complexity of the herd we distill the value of the few, the vital, the harmonic. It is true that mystery lurks where the curve meets the base line.  Does the final dip define us alone as we internalize all our life's experiences into a single purely harmonic chord?  Or is that intersection with the baseline a transcendent moment? Do we, at that moment, flip our existential poles, like the Earth flipping its magnetic field and what was the end of one bell-shaped curve creates the beginning of another?

Perhaps it never was a single bell-shaped curve but rather a series of waves, each of which charts both population and insight. Perhaps we mistake the numerical peak for insight, when it more truly reflects the mentality of the herd.  Perhaps we lack the patience to travel the longer road to the selectivity at the far end of the curve where we encounter far fewer numbers of far greater quality. 

Most likely, life is a process of repeating distillations. Each distillation begins with a seed, a magic bean, perhaps a singularity which expands into a plethora of potentials. We winnow those to a precious few, distill those few to the essence of the current distillation. And that essence becomes the singularity that fuels the subsequent distillation. A fundamentalist believes they understand and/or represent the "last distillation.” Deeper reflection reveals that we have simply turned a corner, discovering the beginning of a new distillation.
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Tuesday, June 9, 2015

Who Are Those Guys?

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OK, I need to admit right up front that, yes, I do talk to myself.  Come on, admit it.  We all do. Otherwise life would be an endless ride in a crowded elevator, staring at the lights above the door, watching them change, avoiding eye contact, turning inward.  Hmm. Interesting thought, the Zen of elevator riding.  But I digress.  Back to talking to myself. The only problem is that I occasionally do it out loud. This, coupled with the fact that both my wife and I are "acoustically challenged" creates some awkward moments: 

I'll say something to me, and she will ask "What?"  
I (realizing that I had been talking out loud,) "Nothing, just talking to myself."
She: (out loud) OK (internally) Jeeeeez.

Still, the tendency leads to some interesting internal dialogues. For example, couple of nights ago I woke up from a dream.  It was not one of those powerful dreams that won't let go, a dream that follows you into waking, demanding that you pay attention.  It was a softer kind of dream, involving, but hazy around the edges.  

So I said to myself, "I don't even know where we were."
"What do you mean by ‘we'?" I asked.
“You know, 'we' .  .  . the people in the dream.” I said.
"Who were they?” I inquired.
"Ah, yeah. I don't know that either." One of us fell silent, the other fell asleep.

What has followed me into my waking life is the realization that while my dreams do often include "real people who are known to me," just as often they are "peopled" by entities with whom I interact very humanly, but who, upon my waking, retreat into ephemeral, emotional chords. Presences without a specific identity. Hence the question remains: Who are those guys?

I have scratched the surface of enough psychology, psychiatry, brain studies, theology, philosophy, etc., to be able to state categorically and without doubt that, like Butch and Sundance, we really don't know who "those guys" are.  I, of course, love that as it allows me wide latitude to spin my own theories.  I guess the best place to start is with who I believe they are not: Dreams are not neurological static - phantoms generated by the random firing of neurons.  That would certainly be an easy answer - asserting truth in the face contradictory or incomplete evidence.  Sort of like the Creationist paleontologist who recently discovered a fish fossil that mainstream paleontologists date at about 60 million years-old. “Yes,” asserts the founder. “It is an ancient fish. But since the world was created only 5,000 years ago, it can’t be any older than that, and everyone who disagrees with me is wrong."  If we, similarly, write dreams off as being merely random scratches in the gray matter, ignoring the collected data and reflection that argue to the contrary, it becomes hard to assert that they have deeper purpose or meaning; or to hypothesize as to what that purpose or meaning might be. But since our sleeping brainwaves, while different from wide-awake brainwave, seem more extensions of the waking world than the arrival of a radically different state of being, the seemingly more logical - and irresistible, for me anyhow - temptation is to try to understand them. Hence, we constantly seek to unlock the apparent mysteries of these familiar ephemera.  

So let us give it a shot. Physicists assert that the standard model of physics must play by the same rules throughout the universe. I’m good with that. Hence, in my worldview "those guys" have to be all about the pursuit of Harmony. I certainly have no evidence to the contrary, and in the general interest of symmetry I would assert that, as in "walkabout real world," the world on the other side of the consciousness curtain - the world of dreams - is also driven by the four tenets of Distilled Harmony: Foster Harmony, Enable Beauty, Distill Complexity and Oppose Harm. But the relationship between tenet and player is not always as direct as it seems in light of day. Hence I tend to shy away from being too “waking-world centric" when I consider the more gentle shades of dreaming. 

Let me jump - seemingly without segue - to fireflies.  I have never encountered anyone in whom the first glimpse of the evening’s fireflies failed to elicit an “Oh! Fireflies!”  Here, in North Carolina evenings, they seem to fade in and then magically fade out, only to reappear somewhere else. Yes, at a distance, but still close enough to their exit point that even small children can reach out and capture them.  However, the fireflies of both Tennessee and Malaysia are something quite different.  They begin, as do their more common backyard cousins, with a few random flashes, but soon they congregate in thousands, and gradually their flashes synchronize until entire trees blink with all the gaudiness of a Times Square marquee.

And how do we bring that back to dreams?  Well, let us remember that in our dreams - at least in mine - the “players” usually divide into two broad classes.  On the one hand we have recognizable entities who often “play" themselves - your spouse, children, parents, lovers, antagonists, etc.  On the other hand we have “tonal entities” - entities with whom we interact quite comfortably, but who, upon our waking, swiftly fade - disappearing completely by the time we find a cool spot on the pillow, or return from the bathroom.  I have come to feel that the “real people," living and deceased, who populate my dreams are like the single mysterious flashing of lone firefly at the end of the garden.  They are less themselves, and more manifestations of their dominant chords; e.g. my mother in my dreams is not simply my mother. Rather she manifests/represents/demonstrates a distillation of the dominant notes she performed in life - a spiritual, comforting gentleness.  The recognizable players in my dreams, I have come to believe, all follow that model; they sound the chord which they most clearly play/played in "walk about waking world." This applies to both dominant harmonics and dominant discord. Those we love may play themselves, as may those who currently fight the Harmony of our chord. Yet, strangely, they rarely play the leads in our somnolent dramas.  They are “supporting characters.” But supporting in the manner of the old theater assertion that “There are no small roles, only small actors.” In our dreams the “supporting characters” support the dreamworld - they are the solid, constant notes of our chord which hold both sides of consciousness together.

The leads in dreams are played “those guys,” composite entities who manifest chords that contain notes that have been contributed by a host of significant others in our lives. These are the synchronized fireflies of Tennessee and Malaysia. They flash with admirable glitz,  but are currently clusters of fireflies with either insufficient mass or syncopation to coalesce into a recognizable entity which - counterintuitively - would allow them to take their place as the calm, supporting notes upon which our world - both dreaming and waking - rest.  Instead they are notes still seeking their place in our chord.  We try them out in our dreams.  So, ironically, it is those still uncertain notes that become the Darth Vaders or Princesses Lea who start us awake with racing pulse, either anxious or fearful to rejoin the swiftly fading dream.

All of which still begs the question of why they are there at all? Why do we dream? Distilled Harmony leans strongly to a rather simple explanation: dreams are there to aid in our pursuit of transcendent Harmony.  And, as experience does in our "walking around” life, dreams teach with both the stick and the carrot.  Dreams are the carrot, nightmares the stick.

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Wednesday, May 27, 2015

The Flight of The Words


The thunder crackles.
Lightning sears the horizon.
Startling, but utterly timeless.
A little gasp, heart flutters.
I never cease to be surprised.
You'd think I'd realize that
It was sneaking up on me again.

The soft touch of a beloved hand.
The quiet whisper of a breeze at dawn.
Crickets knitting a slumbering quilt.
A brook laughs past me,
Against the haunting, dusky,
Call of a turtle dove.
Waking to rain and snuggling back.

It is all a bit of a vicious circle,
Or, perhaps, more a mandala.
Somehow an awareness
Of the perfection of the universe
Flashes across the millions
And millions and billions
Of synapses in your brain.

And you want to capture it -
That celebration racing inside.
Along side a quiet trembling,
Colors and tastes, sounds,
Emotions, cascade in the
Exhilarating symphony of life.
And yet, all the right words have fled.
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Sunday, May 24, 2015

A Williamsburg Ramble

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Having again fled the discord of the 21st century, we are, for awhile, ensconced in Colonial Williamsburg, a town forever caught in the 1770s. This is a place that still articulates the America that was dreamt of a few hundred years ago.  I usually find it invigorating. But against the backdrop of the venalities of contemporary politics up the road in Washington and the global insanity that drives the constant braying of the unending news cycle, today I wonder if any compassionate social movement can ever succeed. It seems that we can only unite around huge generalities; freedom, peace, equality, things like that. Does the fact that even those universally condoned endstates seem always beyond our reach, prove the social impotence of the species?

Lately I have considered that perhaps a successful "social movement” shares the qualities of a secret: it can only truly be realized by one person.  Hence, I muse, if you would mold the world, concentrate on yourself. Strive to be your own best self.  Notice I say your best self - not some idealized self advocated by a politician, prophet, or philosopher. We are flighty souls, prone to missteps, especially when we seek to follow another's path. If we keep our eyes on the heights, our heads in the clouds, our focus on sunrise and sunset, it is inevitable that we will occasionally lose track of our feet, that we will stumble.  So be it.  To do so is to be human. So, get up. Smile. Better yet, laugh. Think again of your best, most harmonic, self, and walk on, perhaps even skipping a bit, if you remember how.

Still, I would advise against turning your personal skipping into a wider movement. There will be those who, while supporting the concept of skipping as a good thing, will question whether it is wise to start on the left foot, or perhaps the right foot. And arms, my god, what should one do with the arms!?  So while they stand behind skipping 110%, they, sadly, cannot fully support skipping as you have chosen to define it.

See what I mean? A movement of two will make you crazy. So - be your best self. The only chord you can tune is your own.  Skip on!  That is the objective.  If your skipping inspires another - well, consider it collateral Harmony.
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Thursday, May 7, 2015

Mapping Meditation

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Music makes maps for meditation.
So every night I slip into my headphones
And glide off across the meandering paths
Of space and time.

It is not like piloting a speedboat,
Though no eddy of the universe
Is beyond reach. Still,
Even a currach lends greater control.

On these nightly voyages,
You close your eyes, open your heart,
And shove off, letting the music lead.

Such musically augmented meditation 
Means surfing on someone else's Harmony.
They created it, you are just borrowing
Some of the better bits.

Through the lens of note and lyric
You glimpse again the stuff of memory.
Precious places and people take your hand,
And then are gone again.
Your deepest hopes, and hidden fears
Are revealed in a stranger's words.

And then you are saved by a symphony
Or some new age noodling, 
Music's answer to doodling,
Sound that is somehow quieter
Than silence.

You slip down an arpeggio,
Sheltered by a minor chord,
Momentarily confused by a
Rush of rain, inserted no doubt
By some Moog accolite.

And then quietly, without you 
Really being aware of it,
You are someplace quite calm,
Quite peaceful, and the music
That you brought along, gives way
To the Harmony within.

And there you are,
Finally flirting with transcendence.

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Saturday, April 25, 2015

Parsing the Sig

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As some of you have seen, the signature line on my email currently reads:   "Who we are is a quality of the moment. What we have done in the past cannot be undone, and what we have promised for the future remains but a promise. So live each moment in the awareness that it defines you." I have enjoyed stealing pithy quotes from my literary heroes in the past, but it is my signature after all, so using my own words seems more appropriate. Hence, I will continue to use it for the time being. Still, like any piece of prose, it is open to interpretation. Let me claim the author's right to a first sortie. 

At first blush one might think that I'm advocating a life lived in the perennial present, like those poor souls with anterograde amnesia who cannot form new memories, and so start each day with no past upon which to base a mindful present pointing to the unpredictable future. No, that's not it. Another possible misread might be that I assume we are free to ignore the future ramifications of our current actions, a sort of "Damn the torpedoes! Full speed ahead!" approach to life. Nope. Finally, one could wrongly assume that, because I acknowledge that it cannot be undone, we should simply forget the past and, temporal blinders firmly in place, plod stoically into tomorrow free to repeat the missteps of our youth. Yet again, wrongo!

With these straw men neatly constructed, allow me to hasten their demise and tell you what I really meant.

The imperious arrow of time declares that our life is a hopeful history. It is a history because we are defined, in the end, by what we have accomplished, not by what we promise. It is a hopeful history in that we desire it to be a continuing series, one that gets renewed for next season. Certainly we realize that a pratfall down the stairs or a texting-obsessed teen in their parent's monster SUV could declare "That's All Folks" at any moment. Still let's stay with the "hopeful history" which like any history, is cast in the past.

When I say "What we have done in the past cannot be undone," I am not, as I have already said, advocating life in a perennial present, with the past forgotten and ignored. Rather I am advising us, and when I say “us" I mean me, to see the past not as an unalterable template for our life, but rather as a guide to the future. And it is a guide - strangely - the lessons of which are taught most clearly by our regrets. 

Let me clarify. If you have a past totally free of regrets, I feel sorry for you. Our regrets often stem from those times when we gave into our vices. But keep in mind that our vices tend to be our virtues run a bit amok. The excesses of our youth often, like wine and philosophy, temper with age, taking on a depth and richness that nonetheless mirrors that youthful exuberance.  Our regrets then, upon reflection, are opportunities to fine tune our virtues. Regrets teach us the location of the line that marks the point where virtue becomes vice. If you have no regrets, you have yet to learn the location of that line, and some painful stumbles lie ahead.

Let me compress one of my favorite Mark Twain stories, which seems somehow apropos, though I’m not exactly sure how:

Twain is strolling on the veranda of a pleasant hotel when he encounters a matronly lady, obviously distressed.

Twain: It is such a lovely evening, m’am. What can be troubling you?
Lady: I just visited my doctor and he says I have less than a year to live!
Twain: I can be of help! First, you must give up cigars.
Lady: I have never smoked a cigar in my life!
Twain: Then you must give up whiskey.
Lady: Alcohol has never passed my lips!
Twain: Ah, now I see the problem,
Lady: What?
Twain: You have neglected your habits.

Which somehow leads me to this seemingly contradictory bit of advice: let go of your regrets. And this is the "what we have done in the past cannot be undone" piece. I am not saying to forget the lessons of your regrets, but neither should you cling to them, mooning over a dusty photo album of lost loves or missed opportunities. Let them go. Move past those moments and forgive the complicit individuals who accompanied you across the line that separates virtue and vice. No amount of regret can uncross of the line, nor can any amount of midnight anguish clarify who pushed whom. Such thrashing defines the retarding and destructive past you must leave behind. It cannot be changed. Step away from that past.

But it is the insightful lessons of the past that should lead us to peaceful and mindful behavior in the all important present. There is an old saying - which I have seen attributed to both Benjamin Franklin and Einstein - that stupidity is when you keep doing the same thing over and over, while expecting different results. True. But the aphorism plays on two levels. The more obvious interpretation is that we should change our strategy. Seek the desired result with new behavior. Again true. However it seems to me that we might also want to consider shifting our objective. Think about it. I might practice the piano for years and years with the same teacher without success. The solution might not be to change teachers, but rather to try the clarinet - or golf. 

And that takes us to the slippery relationship between the vital present and the future, which like the past, is hopeful, but uniquely uncertain. Hidden in the call to live each moment in the present is the heady lure of hedonism. After all, we could reason, the present quickly becomes the past and is best forgotten, while the future is uncertain and this opportunity might never again present itself.  .  .

I suppose it comes down to planning your regrets, or at least realizing that your present pleasantries, when past, could, in the future, become regrets.  I’m sorry, I just couldn’t resist writing that sentence. It just felt good, seems accurate - and will do no one harm.  And that, maybe, is how we should see the present. We need to consider the difference between that which makes you feel good, and that which makes you a more harmonic person. Our path to that harmonic self will be unique. As I “‘peat and repeat,” the only chord you can tune is your own. Which, surprising none of you, brings me back to my mantra - Foster Harmony, Enable Beauty, Distill Complexity and Oppose Harm. If, at the end of each day, I can say I hit one or more of those notes, then it has been a worthy time in the present. The future can look after itself, and the past can remain in the rearview mirror.
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Monday, April 6, 2015

What is it About 3 O’clock in The Morning

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What is it about 3 o'clock in the morning?
Bing! Your eyes pop open,
And there you are, staring up at
The soft underbelly of the universe.
Those billions of little tiny colored dots
Dance in the middle distance and
Swirl around, tracing the path of something
That must have rushed by a instant before.
"OK," you say, "It's 3 o'clock in the morning.
Close your eyes." But bing! Dots again.
Time to reach out to the Sentientness.

"Hello God, it's me, you know, Robert.
Have a minute to chat?"
"Hello Robert. Your call is very important to us, 
But come on kiddo, it's 3 o'clock in the morning
And we are experiencing higher than normal call volumes.
Your approximate wait time is until hell freezes over.
Requests will be answered - or not -
In the order in which they were submitted.
Or if you prefer not to wait you can go to our website at . . . . . 
www.GodBeMe.com/FAQ for 24/7 attention."

By then you have forgotten 
The nature of your particular supplication.
This side of your pillow is too hot.
And you have to pee.

Also at 3 o'clock in the morning, brains shrink.
Celebrities and Gen X, Y, and Zers, incapable 
Of lucid speech or basic mobility
Decide to drive home from the club,
And hang the Lamborghini,
Or more often, their parent's Ford,
Up in the low hanging branches of an oak.
Its grill, their career, and their lives,
Have all sustained major damage,
Or been put on permanent hold.
The dead engine gently pops and pings 
As it cools in the chill of night.

Then suddenly you become aware 
That if you lie there, oh so quietly,
There are still crickets somewhere.
Rain falls softly just beyond the eaves,
The wind sifts through the house.
Your love rolls over and now
Sleeps, softly, quietly, almost silently,
And life becomes calm again.
Ah, you notice - no wonder. 
It's now 4 o'clock in the morning.

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Tuesday, March 31, 2015

Just a Little Hibernation

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I wrap the Snowman blanket snugly 
About my perennially frozen feet,
Its twin ready to soften the armrest 
That will soon lie beneath my head.
Next I select Nature Sounds or Spa Radio 
From the Pandora list and stretch out 
In the corner of this leather expanse
Called a Conversation Nook,
In which conversations, beyond comments
On plot and performance, rarely occur.

I close my eyes, which only serves to highlight 
The phrases marching behind their lids.
They refuse to hold hands and become sentences.
Rather they are content to circle like 
Incompetent clusters of crows that
Lack the will to become a murder.

I am surprised to be awake.
This is, after all, nap time 
When I, no less predictably 
Than a two-year old, should rub my eyes 
And blink off to Nod or some other nap world.
Instead I lie here, concerned that 
More will be expected of me, come evening,
Than my nap-deprived self can deliver.
Conversation - even repartee?
Decisions of which I will be barely conscious,
But to which I will  be committed?

I feel a strong sense of kinship 
With a bear I have never met.
Still wandering snow-swept slopes 
In November's deepening cold.
Unable to find a snug cave for winter's nap,
He grows anxious that, deprived of hibernation,
He may never see another Spring.
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Tuesday, March 24, 2015

Patchwork Quilt

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There are those, I suppose,
Whose lives roll out like
Fitted sheets upon an antique bed.
Neatly tucked about the corners,
All covered with an elegant duvet.
Needlepoint cushions, and perhaps a cat
Lie artfully arranged at the headboard.

Mine is more a patchwork quilt.
Laughter and tears stitched together 
By scattered threads of memory.
Far more pillows than necessary 
Cushion the lingering lumps.
And a dog's sleepy eyes wink down 
At distant unfinished edges.
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Sunday, March 15, 2015

Meditation on a Shooting Star

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I was first struck by how deeply those of us who dwell in cities are afflicted by light blindness. Here, floating in a midnight hot tub at a friend's cabin midway up the ridge above a small town in West Virgina, the sky blazed. At first it was just me, the soothing water, and the luminous sky. The tub's jets were off. While the pulses would have been welcome, the hum of the pumps would have marred the tranquility.  So I floated there, feeling very Van Gogh-ish, but without the angst. Then suddenly the first one flashed behind the ebony branches etched across my field of vision.  Giant lightening bug? Too bright. Airplane? Too white. Shooting star? Yes, really. 

So I stared up, focusing on everything and nothing, the way you do when you are trying to see one of those optical illusions in a book or magazine. "Look, but don't focus," the instructions read.  Another streaked by. More "unfocused staring without looking" and two others played connect the dots across the Big Dipper - or maybe the Little Dipper. Astronomy is not my strong suit and the constellation was so bright.  .  .  

I am currently reading Brian Greene's The Hidden Reality as well as a couple of magazine articles about the restarting of the LHC and chasing the particles that could confirm supersymmetry.  So you'd think this celestial show would lure me down the seductive path of cosmology, multiverses and the like. Strangely, no. Instead the shooting stars led me back to a high meadow in Northern California, where, half a century ago, under a similarly staggering sky, I had futility pursued the affections of a bewitching French exchange student. Tonight that recollection brought a smile to my face, where, 50 years ago, the tears of teenage heartbreak had been angrily dashed aside. I had been young enough to believe that "real men don't cry."

So as I floated there staring up through the steam I sought not astronomical events, but the manifestations of memory. The heavens did not disappoint. With a randomness that felt regular, more silver streaks knitted up the night. Faces and places from times past and at varying distances, drew as close as the more stationary stars caught there in the branches swaying gently above my head.

Way back in 1957 Perry Como urged us to "catch a falling star and put it in your pocket." https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=5t_PDU5RmBw. It is a pleasant "oldie," that pulls you back to soda shops and poodle skirts, saddle shoes and The Hit Parade.  But Perry would not recognize these celestial visitors. These were not falling stars that transfixed me. Falling stars, one assumes, fall back to earth, and we would notice - as did the dinosaurs. Rather, these are shooting stars, born in memory that beckon me forward. Shooting stars transcend, reviewing for us pure harmonic moments, treasured souls who; for minutes or hours, days or months or years, held our hands and hearts as, together, we harkened to the infinite song of existence.

The show faded slowly, as if my starry friends has somewhere else to be.  I was sad to see them go. But as they blinked out of sight, it was as if they were winking back over their shoulders. "Patience," they whispered. "We'll be back for you. For now you know what you must do. Foster Harmony, Enable Beauty, Distill Complexity and Oppose Harm."
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Thursday, March 5, 2015

The Luxury of the Long Form Composition


I was, thank God, raised in the old "sage on the stage" era. For those of you outside the academic world, that means when you went to college most of the classes were lectures. If you did hands on things like cutting up frogs or building sets for King Lear, those were specifically designated as "lab sessions," often overseen by "lab instructors" who differed from the professor who delivered the lecture. Lectures were lectures. You went in, you sat down, you opened your notebook, you listened to someone with expertise in the subject area, and you took notes - or at least you pretended to. I always divided my notebook paper in half, one column for notes, the other for doodles - which, research asserts, focuses our attention as opposed to distracting us. But the lecture was the main event. Sometimes it was painful. Not every prof understood the difference between oral presentation and droning. But it was part of growing up, of learning. Big Bird had not yet convinced us that education was supposed to make you laugh.

Nowadays it is much more in vogue to be the "guide on the side." Those who practice that version of the craft of pedagogy are far better able to describe it than I. I believe it involves presenting the skeleton of a task or concept to a class, and then nudging them to fill in the missing pieces for themselves. There are those who swear by it. At least I don't swear at it, I am just driven to follow a different model.  You see, there is just so little time. Let's say they are taking a "3 hour class" from you. In my world that means that, in theory you see them for three hours a week. But an academic hour is actually only 50 minutes. So a three hour class is really a 2.5 hour class.  Furthermore, given "settling in" time and "shuffling before leaving time" and taking role, etc, let's call it 2 hours and 15 minutes a week. 16 weeks quickly becomes 14 or 15 with Spring Break and weather and whatnot. When you run the numbers, that comes out to about 31 or 32 hours per semester. About three-quarters of a "normal" work week out of their entire life!

Given that stark reality, I simply cannot settle for nudging. I need to use that brief burst of time we have together to share with my students whatever I might know that could ease their way in the world beyond college.  It is possible that I would choose a different model if I taught small clusters of eager, more mature, grad students. But my audience is for the most part 18 to 20 year-old undergrads in groups of 75 to 150.  It is theater. And they are younger and far more callow than my own children. They are close to half a century younger than I. If I do not know far, far more than they about the subject matter under consideration they should sue me, the department and the university for academic malpractice. My job is not to explore with them, my job is to teach them what I have learned in that half century. So I become the sage on the stage. I lecture.

A lecture is a long form composition, a performed essay, crafted just as carefully as any piece of prose, any poem, play or painting.  Like these posts I send to you, which are usually long form compositions, a lecture may recount the Renaissance, the standard model of particle physics, the nature of being - there are no boundaries to the objects of its attention. It need only, in the end lead the audience, if not to a conclusion, then at least to a reasonable new beginning.

I should point out that lectures, essays, any long form compositions confront the current, digitally-influenced norms of communication and conversation. Literature would lead us to believe that, in earlier eras, the pause had a place in conversation:

Darcy: But surely, Miss Bennett (He pauses, turns aside. Turns back. Pauses again.) Surely you can see why .  .  .  

Try that at a dinner party today and four people will jump in with their contributions, related or not, a second course will have started, someone will be googling something, and the nuts and wine will be passed around - leaving you with your mouth open and poor Darcy and Elizabeth forever estranged by their pride and prejudice.

But of course we must realize that the models for conversation presented in literature or on screens large and small have nothing to do with real life conversations precisely because those media models are all embedded in long form compositions - novels or movie scripts. Hence, the written narrative controls the random vagaries of real short form conversational bursts. Yet even the long form occasional gives in to the short form's need for speed. How many times have you read some version of this phrase: "and the conversation dragged." What does that mean? For me it always calls up the absurd image of a question somehow cross-dressing as a declarative sentence. A conversation in drag needs lots of sequins. The more common interpretation is that the phrase implies that the characters have ceased interacting with the suave glibness of Noel Coward or the intricate byplay of Ms. Austin - both masters of long form composition. Even long form compositions, it appears, occasionally feel the need to "pick it up, pick it up."

That is not to say that the long form composition is without it's own illusions. Primary among these is the illusion of attention. The poet Billy Collins encourages his book Aimless Love to "stay out as late as you like, don't bother to call or write, and talk to as many strangers as you can."  One does not go to the effort necessary to construct a long form composition, and a book of poetry certainly qualifies, without clinging to the belief that someone will attended to it; read it, view it, listen to it. When I videotape a lecture for my students, or for you, or for DistilledHarmony.com, in my mind's eye I see an audience of one or hundreds, enthralled, pausing only to laugh or cry or stare thoughtfully off into space before diving back into the composition before them.  It is a lovely and harmless illusion. 

My life-long love affair with the lecture, with the essay, with the long form composition is not without its drawbacks. You see, with so much I feel moved to share, I have trouble remembering that others, too, need their time upon the stage.

Thursday, February 26, 2015

Nighthawks

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At first glance it doesn't holler Edward Hopper. 
But it whispers "Nighthawks" as I sit here having breakfast. 
It is a rare snowy morning in central North Carolina. 
For once it really does make sense to close the schools. 
The danger comes not from the snow itself, 
But from people unaccustomed to driving on slippery streets. 
Arcade "bumpercars" with real cars. 

I have made a steaming bowl of oatmeal with raisins and maple syrup. 
The breakfast nook has two walls of windows, and I raise the blinds. 
Now I sit in a bubble amidst the bluster. 
Snow covers the bushes, and the pampas grass sways in the wind. 
I am doing "other things." Reading, working on a lecture, 
Checking my email to see if my classes have been cancelled. 
But the whisper persists, drawing my attention again and again 
To the empty bird feeder at the edge of the "natural area" behind our home.  

It has apparently been empty for a while, since it attracts no hopefully patrons. 
And perhaps it is an unneeded adornment, here in a soft Southern lawn. 
But today, as the snow rattles against the window, I can almost see them. 
An early robin, a resident blue jay, and a marauding squirrel 
Sitting there together; yet glumly spaced. 
Wings and paws wrapped around the lonely comfort of a cup of coffee.
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Sunday, February 22, 2015

Dreaming in the Seams

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In the spirit of full disclosure I should confess that this is really where the two previous posts began. The problem was that I kept hitting a point where I had to admit that "this won't make any sense unless I explain that." Hopefully the last two posts contained enough of this and that to make the current post less bizarre than might otherwise be the case. One final proviso: the last two posts argue that we really know so little about the nature of the cosmos that it would be foolish to rule anything out as impossible or absurd.

So, regarding the STEM idea that we can understand the nature of the universe via the graceful application of mathematics, alas it cannot be. Alfred Korzybski pointed out in Science and Sanity back in 1933, "the word is not the thing."  The word is but a representative of a deeper reality. General semantics would also assert that "the equation is not the universe" points that way as well. Furthermore, the hinky Heisenberg uncertainty principle, adds to the slippery slope of a purely STEM defined universe. To what extent are our "normal" dimensions simply the product of "convenient observations?" Front-to-back, side-to-side, up and down, now then tomorrow - those certainly seem to be the easily measurable spaces in which we live our lives.  But Heisenberg might well ask if our observations were themselves coloring our what we see. Does the act of observing change the universe we see? Still, as I ask in the previous posts, is it any wonder that the scientific method followed those seemingly precise pathways as we sought to measure and understand the world in which we live?  What were their options? And today their descriptions grow ever more precise. We get better and better at defining the "what" of where we live. But as Panek pointed out in The 4 Percent Universe, those definitions are somewhat a paper tiger. We can observe only 4 percent of our local universe, and nothing of any other universes that may lie beyond ours. Are we to trust universal conclusions based on our observations of that 4 percent? Please.

Think about it this way. Let's say you were conducting an experiment to determine the average height of all 4th graders. You go to the Middle School down the street that you can see from your mailbox. You walk into the front door and ask for the closest 4th grade classroom - the one under the most convenient lamppost. You go to that classroom. There are 25 students in the class. You take the student (1 is 4 percent of 25) closest to the door and measure his or her height. The student is 4 feet 7 inches tall. And on the basis of that observation you declare that the normal height for all fourth graders in the universe is 4’ 7".  There may be other 4th graders elsewhere in the building - or the universe - but we cannot see them, so we will call them "dark 4th graders," and leave it to other researchers to find and measure them. I know, I know, that is just so wrong. But the analogy is frighteningly apt for the declarations we make about the structure of the universe based on our observations of its closest observable 4 percent, the data which lies beneath the single bulb of the most convenient lamppost.

But even as we turn our energy to addressing the flaws apparent in our quest for understanding the “what” of the universe, we allow the question of “why” the universe exists at all to recede.  And I don't mean the "why" of how the physical elements evolve or come together, I mean the why of our existence.  If you believe we are simply an accidental by-product of the evolution of the "what" - well, that's fine, I suppose. But for me, it's a bit of a curiosity killer. No less a curiosity killer is the other extreme of the great existential debate - an acritical acceptance of ancient writs that place some prophet or another center stage as the mouthpiece for the existential Godfather; who is either open-minded, compassionate and forgiving or ruthless and vindictive, depending upon your prophet of preference.  Setting both those dogmatic "certainties” aside I prefer to reposition the "existential why” as a dominant, but frustratingly illusive, question that, while possibly illuminated by consideration of the STEM guided examinations of “what,” is quite worthy of consideration in its own right. 

I also argued in the previous post that harmony is the dimension that unifies the Multiverses, that unites the seemingly disparate and distant.  If that is true, could a perfectly resonant chord be a version of general relativity’s wormhole, linking all the manifestations of that resonance? I would argue that we touch these chords, these moments of significant harmony, these possible wormholes, all through our lives. They put us, however briefly, in touch with and in tune with, the harmonic dimension that defines and encompasses all existence. The tricky part is recognizing them, and remembering them as something special, and considering what they have in common. Some are fairly easy; the classic falling in love at first sight, the piece of music or art that stops you in your tracks, the feeling - mid-sentence, or mid-dance, or mid-brushstroke, or jump shot, or nine-iron, or flip turn, that you are “there, in the groove” - in tune with the universe. At those moments we rarely stop and take notes. The challenge is to recognize them, to remember them, to seek ways to recreate that harmony.

Theater has delivered more than its share of those special moments to me. I must acknowledge that it was my father who nudged me into the Wittenberg University  - then College - production of Mrs. McThing when I was perhaps 6 years old. I played, I presume, "the lonely and put upon lad" featured in the Playbill.  My memories of the event are vague at best. But I do remember the intense shifts between light and dark - between being "on" and watching from the darkened wings. Each perspective was equally powerful.

Ever since those early days, theater, some type of performance and observation has been woven into the experience of my life.  In those “pre-enriched everything for children” days there wasn't much organized theater to sample until high school, but once there I benefited from the fact that my high school's theater and music programs were far more advanced than our sports teams.  That was fine with me, as my athletic skills were merely average even in our less-than-championship seasons. Deep down, I really didn't care who won, and running into other people in pads and spikes held no attraction for me. But put me on a stage, and -  well, that was different.  There are those, I suppose, who must be taught to find their light, to gravitate to the place on the stage where the light is most intense.  I, on the other hand, was something of a human light meter. If there was a spotlight on the stage, I was in it.

When college rolled around, I never actually considered majoring in anything but theater.  Why would I? I was good at it, the women were on the wild and crazy side, it was the sixties, and I was captured by a feeling of belonging "out there" in the lights.  But here is something you may not realize if you haven't been "out there."  And the "out there" to which I refer is the traditional "fourth-wall, proscenium arch" type theater.  You are on the stage, and the audience lives beyond that invisible fourth wall.  But here’s an interesting tidbit - the invisibility is a one-way phenomenon.  The audience can see you, but you cannot see them.  Some actors will explain that with some Stanislavsky/Actor's Studio rhetoric: "When I truly merge with my character, the world outside the play vanishes." (Close eyes. Slight exhalation.)

Yeah, maybe so, but it sure doesn't hurt that the spotlights are shining in your eyes so you never really see the audience. For me, until I finally got contact lenses, I couldn't even see to the footlights, let alone beyond them. The point is that the center of a spotlight is a perfect hiding place.  William Purkey wrote it: "You've got to dance like there is nobody watching." Well, that is an easy fiction to maintain on stage; in the center of the light you can't see anyone, so it follows they cannot see you, right? So, go for it.

That then is one vital dimension in theater, "out there - hiding in the light."  The second vital dimension is the one most commonly experienced - the experience of the audience.  In this dimension the audience is looking in from beyond the fourth wall, observing and sharing in the illusion being created on the stage. The "success"'of most performances can be measured by the degree to which the audience accepts or shares the illusory reality created behind the fourth wall - on the stage. Did they believe, if only for a little while, that they were transported, sharing a slice of another life? Another existence?

The third dimension is one rarely encountered but equally, if not more important than the other two. It is the catwalk dimension.  There is a magical space in a theater from which one can see everything and yet not be seen - the catwalks and fly spaces above the stage. Famously popularized in The Phantom of The Opera, dramatists have been using the catwalk world for centuries - stretch back to the Deus Ex-machina characters of Greek drama, when an actor portraying a god would be lowered from the catwalk into the midst of the other players to set things right.  My idea of this third dimension, this catwalk world, is sort of like that - but not completely.  

When seen from the catwalks, the theater becomes a terrarium.  The actors are still caught on their side of the wall and the audience is still restrained in their seats. But you, up in the catwalks can silently glide across the barriers that compartmentalize the world below.  In Dicken's A Christmas Carol, the spirits of Christmas past, present and future - that narrative's version of the catwalk people - can mingle invisibly with the "on stage" players, and can share that ability with Scrooge, hence obliquely affecting plot and outcome. In Greek dramas deus ex-machina characters interact directly with the players, changing plots overtly.  So on one hand the elevated perspective of catwalk world seems a case of a harmless dramatic device - unless one considers this theatrical view of the world as something more than a metaphor, but rather as a wormhole; one of those rare intensely harmonic spaces elevating our perspective. 

OK, now I’m going to get a little weird on you. [I know, I know - just now?] Remember the cube we can see from the catwalk? The life that unfolds on the stage? Let us imagine that that cube is our real, everyday, walkabout job, kids, taxes, etc., etc., life. Now look beyond that cube - because up here in catwalk world we can gaze down into "cubes without number." The world of our everyday walkabout world on the stage below continues to unfold and a la the Stoppard play Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead we can see beyond the exits and entrances, to the life that unfolds offstage. But as that reality continues to play out to, and other alternate existences, that you can see from the catwalk also reel out below you, spilling over into different versions of the drama.  Maybe one is the life that I would have lived if I had majored in Art instead of Theater, or stranger still, had I studied Physics.  What if I had gone to prom with Veronica instead of Betty? What if I had been an only child? From up here on the catwalk, all those optional versions of my existence play out in some cosmic multiplex. The dominant harmony remains the same, but the progression of chords vary infinitely.

Self-centered? Well, what in your life - or anyone's - is not?  Consider the most selfless person you know. Can we not assume that being selfless makes them feel good? So even a selfless existence is self-centered. We make choices that are ultimately in our own self interest. The choices that let us sleep at night. Even those choices that appear to be for the "greater good" advance the self. Mandela, Ghandi, King, good men all - who could not have chosen to behave venally, ignoring the world they knew to be flawed. They were compelled by their own chord to foster harmony. That does not lessen their accomplishments one whit - rather it makes their inherent goodness all the more exceptional. Those were finely tuned chords. But that is not the point here. The idea here is the possibility that the unknown 96 percent of universe can take any shape, employing any dimensions we can imagine.  

In my chosen dimensions, as I peer down from the catwalk watching all those dramas unfold, the metaphor shifts. Lurking in the wings of one unfolding drama, I catch a glimpse of the edge of "the universe of another consciousness."  It strikes me that each of those unfolding dramas is also the creation of each of the other players in the drama. So my father in his "Reality 47" also has limitless alternative dramas spinning out from his catwalk.  All those terrariums start bumping into one another. Sharp edges and corners collide. Ouch. A better metaphor seems to be soap bubbles.  Like an immense bubble bath, universe after universe slipping over each other in superconductive limitless space.  OK. Seems logical to me.  It also seems a potential invitation to the nut house. If there are uncountable multiverses out there, what makes this one I walk around in important? What makes me worthy of consideration in these brave new soap bubble worlds that have within them creatures without number?

Harmony. No surprise there, right? The multiverses are all manifestations of a singular harmony. Your chord, tuned as it is through both inheritance and experience, is unique in all the universes, and makes a singular contribution to, and in doing so becomes part of, that universal harmony. As those other manifestations of yourself play out their lives on other stages, they become variations on "themes from the transcendent you.”  Your current task in that cosmic tapestry is limited to manifesting the four tenets of Distilled Harmony in a way that embodies the best you of the moment.

But in all likelihood it doesn’t stop there.  To place ourselves, and our seemingly fleeing lives, at the center of existence is a quaintly “pre-Copernicus” view of things. In my mind, for any of this to make sense, the harmony that unifies the universe must be self-aware; it must be sentient, conscious. We, in our most fortunate moments, glance down the wormholes and glimpse that harmonic consciousness, and mysteriously name it God or Allah or Yahweh, etc., when, in reality, we have glimpsed the universal harmony of which we ourselves are an integral part. And we will move on until we do find transcendence enabling us to move consciously among our various existences, fitting our notes to that existential harmony. And in doing so we open our - being, soul, existence; you choose - to experiences of which we can now only dream.

And there it is, “dream,” the by now almost forgotten first word of the title of this post.  I would be amazed if you do not occasionally pause as you read these posts and wonder “Where does this stuff come from?” and "Is he seeking professional help?” Nothing so dramatic I assure you.  In large part these reflections arise from what we often call dreaming. Between meditation, Reike, drawing, listening to music, staring out the window, and various states of semi-sleeping, I spend perhaps half of my life in a state of, I believe the term currently in vogue is distraction. I prefer reflection.

And much dreaming lies therein.  I have read fairly widely in both the scientific and psychological literature on dreams. It is often entertaining. But is at odds with my unique experiences, and those, of course, are the ones that I seek to understand.  Forgive me if I occasionally revert to theatrical terms, as the dreams are, after all, visions from the catwalk. In my dreams I am always “at home.” By that I mean I never find myself wondering where I am. The setting, no matter how strange, always feels familiar. Similarly the individuals, while often bearing no resemblance to anyone I know in my waking world, never feel like strangers. Whether major intimate players or minor extras, they are “known to me.” The plots, I have come to assume, are instructive as opposed to representational, since they do not arise from my current existence. They are rather scenes from beyond the seams. Seams? What seams?

Good question. Remember the soap bubble universes? That immense bubble bath, "universe after universe slipping over each other in superconductive limitless space?" Go run a bubble bath or fill the sink with bubbles, or perhaps more conveniently, imagine the bubbles. Look at the places where they run together.  There, those are the seams. If you watch the bubbles break down you will occasionally see a larger bubble swallow up a smaller one, or move across some surface, pushing the smaller bubbles out of the way. At any rate the seams, are as much “seems” as “seams.” They are porous. The bubbles sliding over one another now joining, now discrete, but all part of the same unified entity.

Dreams, I would again assert, are scenes from beyond the seams. Our lives playing out in different manifestations of the universe. Then what good are they right? Perhaps a great deal. The bubbles, remember, are part of a greater entity joined by a common harmony. We, in our current state anyhow, are limited to creating our most harmonic self in our current “here and now.” Our eventual and larger task will be making a unique contribution to the larger entity. Scenes from across the seams give us more data. While the dreams themselves are playing out as lives in another bubble, they may well provide insight into our behavior in this one. Was I pleased with how “I” behaved in that last dream? Can the dream teach “here and now me” - through imitation or avoidance - to better Foster Harmony, Enable Beauty, Distill Complexity and Oppose Harm?  Hamlet ponders:

"To sleep - perchance to dream; ay, there’s the rub,
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come?"

I would counsel the Prince that perhaps it is not a sleep of death, but a sleep of life miraculous where, to turn his on words back upon himself, “There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy."

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Thursday, February 19, 2015

Into Hidden Dimensions

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The third tenet of Distilled Harmony is “distill complexity,” or “keep it simple, stupid.”  And yes, I am aware that my last post strayed a bit from that path. So, before moving on to the other dimensions, let me try a brief distillation of that previous post.

First, it seems clear that our "best guess" as to the physical nature of the universe is not a very good one.  While our methods of observation continue to get better, most astrophysicists and cosmologists will admit that we get obtain reliable data from only 4 or 5 percent of the universe. That is the part we can "see," the part under the convenient lamppost. We call the other 95 - 96 percent “dark energy or dark matter” because while we are reasonable sure that something has to be out there, we don’t have a very good grasp on what it is.  

It is not terribly surprising that the scientific community, tied as it is to the notion that one must have data before one declares conclusions, has remained myopically married to the 4 or 5 percent of the universe that we can see; they keep their focus on that which lies below the most convenient lamppost. That is what "is." The rest remains guesswork, conjecture, our "best guess" of the moment - but seeming subject to radical revision by the latest data stream.

Perhaps it is the knowledge that so much remains unknown that keeps the STEMites so focused on the “what” of the universe. What is made of? How do the various elements - the unimaginable large forces of  black holes and galaxies, and the incredibly tiny bits of string theory - work together? Or do they? How do all the puzzle pieces fit together?  So much to learn and seemingly so little time. It really isn't surprising that, comparatively, precious little time and treasure has been spent on the question posed in the last post: what does it mean?

Another analogy: Let's say you have a 5000 piece jigsaw of a Jackson Pollock painting, a frightening thought in its own right, but further complicated by the fact that the picture on the front of the puzzle box shows you only 5 percent of the final image.  After a millennium or so of trying you manage to put 250 pieces together, revealing the 5 percent of the picture depicted on the box cover - or something pretty close to it.  You now slave feverishly over strategies, theories and algorithms that will allow you get the remaining 4,750 pieces put together. 

An uninvited stranger walks over to the table and looks at the 250 piece fragment.  You step back and smile with pride. 
"What is it?" asks the stranger.
"It is 5% of the whole," you reply humbly.
"The whole what?"
"The whole universe."
The stranger gazes at the fragment for awhile.
"What is it about?" the stranger asks.
"What do you mean?"
“Exactly - what does it mean? What's its story? Why should I care?"
"But it's the Universe!" you sputter.
"So you say. (Pause) Anything else to look at?"
"No. This is what we do. We try to figure out the structure of the universe.”  The stranger walks away and you turn back to the table looking for a corner piece, or at least an edge.

So the STEM community continues to try to figure out how the rest of the pieces fit together.  I fear we are trapped by the unspoken assumption that the remaining  4,750 pieces necessary to complete the picture should fit into a pleasant rectangle illuminated beneath a convenient lamppost. But couldn't the lamppost be a bit more baroque?  Multiple armatures supporting clusters of lamps? String theory, a recent darling of parts of the STEM community, demands as many as eleven dimensions, some tiny, some rewrites of our notion of time. Ah, now there is a lamppost worthy of consideration. But how do we design such a consideration? How do we multiply the paths we might follow? Paths suggested by these baroque clusters of potential illumination?

A pure STEM approach suggests one option. The December 12th, 2014 edition of New Scientist magazine has an interesting article that considers taking a STEM perspective to thinking about these higher dimensions - that stuff we cannot see. We are most comfortable thinking about "reality" in three dimensions length, width, and height - and then we toss in time. The New Scientist article acknowledges that most people have trouble imagining a reality beyond those dimension. But not, it seems, if you are a mathematician: "simply add extra dimensions to your equations, supplementing the standard x, y, z and t with extra coordinates, say w or s. 'In the end there is always mathematics.'"  So according to that model we can "create" new dimensions at will by slapping on extra coordinates and keeping the equations balanced.

Despite the allure of that “fun with numbers” approach to defining the universe, it just feels so wrong.  You can't, it seems, keep pumping the the universe up with abstract coordinates without at least considering the what those additional dimension mean.  Eventually we need to define those "dark dimensions." What mysteries might they measure? What is there beyond length, width, height and time that we may have overlooked simply because they are so hard - seemingly impossible -  to measure? Excellent question and you will hardly be surprised at my initial response: harmony is the dominant dimension.

Remember, Distilled Harmony, this theory of everything I bandy about, has its roots in the very STEMy notion of string theory; in the assertion that the smallest unit of existence is a tiny vibrating string. Those strings, Distilled Harmony goes on to assert, either cluster or repel depending upon their degree of harmony or discord. Everything in the universe then takes all its characteristics from relative states of harmony or discord. Could there be a dimension of greater importance? And, assuming there is not, why have we spent so little time investigating it? I would assert that it remains untouched because it is, at the moment, invisible beneath STEM’s single lamppost. The strings themselves are simply too small for any type of direct observation and strategies for indirect observation lean strongly in the direction of music, art and philosophy. Last time I looked, there were not many calls for research proposals out there that echoed those chords.

The next dimension I would add to this expanded view of the universe is something I call “vitavis” a nicely alliterative Latin compound for "life force." It has intrigued philosophers and physicians for ages, and is there any wonder why?  Leaving belief out of it as much as possible, at one stage of life we have a large cluster of cells, that left alone, will die and decay.  But with assistance - either from the mother in a "normal birth" or from some helper in any variety of c-sections or less invasive assisted deliveries - a breath is drawn and the cluster of cells "lives" and we sigh "Welcome to the world little one.” At the other end of the spectrum. Something stops. Heart, brain, whatever. Something, along the spectrum of physical function and cultural norms, is no longer present, and the large collection of cells "dies." And hopefully there is someone there to murmur "good-bye."

Yet, while medicine can define a series of measurable points that, in theory, distinguish between life and death - brain activity, the ability to “live” unaided, etc., - that proposed line is anything but clear.  Modern medicine can reach beyond the intuitive “beginning" and the apparent “end" of life, sustaining in both "ultra-premies" and those adults in "vegetative states" the potential - however slight - of life.  So what is that “thing" that marks the difference between alive and not? Ah, there is one of those topics that you don't want to bring up when the extended family gathers for a holiday meal. Plainly "the answer" currently lies beyond “just the facts," living much more comfortably in the realm of belief. The medical field has, to its credit, struggled with this issue, bringing in ethicists and religious leaders to advise the healthcare community on the complex issues of both sustaining and terminating entities that possess the potential for life, but exist on the fuzzy edges of what we can recognize as “alive." The conversations go on, but unanimity still lies somewhere far, far away.

Still it is undeniable that differences in vitavis exist.  Stephen Hawking should, according to most medical models, have died decades ago. Yet he lives on, probing the very edges of the dimensions we currently acknowledge. Babies with no discernible maladies “fail to thrive” and die. In my mind, the explanation of those seeming anomalies lie not in the impressive world of modern medicine but rather along the largely unexplored dimension of vitavis. I am enchanted by the notion of “work left to be done” along the vitavis - the life force dimension.  Hawking has work left to be done, as do artists and musicians who seem to expire only after the completion of great works - Beethoven’s works in the face of encroaching deafness, the arthritis-ridden Renoir’s assertion that he continued to paint because “The pain passes, but the beauty remains.” 

These are the echoes of the why dimensions of the universe. They do not argue for a suspension of the STEM-based exploration of the what dimensions of the universe. Rather they ask us to consider what other dimensions may lie beneath the illumination of a more baroque lamppost, and to expend greater time and treasure in the exploration of why.

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